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Saying no to an abusive relationship
is a form of having a healthy mind. It also doesn't mean you
don't have one if you're still in it, it means you need to nurture up your mind
to begin desiring healthy things for your body, mind and soul!
I was in this relationship for 12
years, and at first it was sweet, romantic and real! I met Sade at a restaurant
where we talked, she looked expensive, beautiful, bold and very confident in
herself .I offered to buy her lunch, which I did, got to know her over the
lunch and after, we exchanged contacts and left for our respective
destinations.
I kept calling her, trying to stay in
touch and to my surprise, she did the same. Little did I know, i had met my
doom!
I met Sade at different spots, I would
take lunch breaks from work, just to see her, just to feel her smile, all these
was simply because I was trying to take it slow, I didn't want to invite her
over to my place yet, wanted her to know I had her in mind for real! Met at
several eateries, Tantalizers Osuntokun, met at foodco (while I did some
shopping for her), even met at shoprite (still shopping for her). We were both
adults, I was 29 she was 26, and I naturally assumed we both wanted the same
thing everyone at our age would be desiring - Marriage!
I was falling in love with her, I found
her appealing! Sade was very attractive, beautiful, had a body that could stop
a moving truck (Clintonian)! She had the most amazing curves, and the most
beautiful smile, all these and some more made me see no one else apart from
Sade!
I finally got to invite her over and I
made sure all was intact as it was a weekend I needed her to remember! I made
her fried rice and Gizzdodo with shredded turkey (my mother used to run a
restaurant back in the days).
After dinner, she requested to go take
a shower and I showed her into my bedroom to use the bathroom. While I was
still figuring out how to place her shoes in my shoerack, she slipped off her
evening gown from her body and I fell off my 'brain stool'! I saw her two big
beautiful breasts standing in place, firmly!
I tried my possible best to be a
gentleman but it wasn't working, for my soul was leaping in ecstacy! Sshe
caught me starring at her and I took off my eyes, she came to me, took my hand
and put it on her waist, my fellow readers, then I knew I needed help, but not
the emergency kind, the kind of help that required switching off the light and
getting down to business as I wasn't ready to move an inch away from that body!
To cut the story short, I had an
amazing sex with Sade, and hoped she had the same too! It was official, we were
dating! I gave her an extra key to my place, introduced her to my siblings, I
was ready to wife her, little did I know she was my doom!
Sade would request for my ATM card and
I would give it to her!She would shop and shop till a very surmountable amount
of money leaves my account, almost on a daily basis, she would drink and keep
drinking alcohol, till she's knocked out!
She stayed out late, and had different
phone calls!
All these I wanted to ignore, and still
keep loving her!
At a point when I tried to make her see
herself as the mother of my unborn kids, to make her path right, she screamed
at me and threatened to leave me! At that point, it was something I couldn't
afford! I’m saying this as a grown man, 'Men do cry'! not because they are
weak, but because a large part of their heart has been shattered and they can't
hold it down again and they have no control over the situation!
I lived with the fact that she was like
this, torturing me every now and then, emotionally and physically and I still
couldn't do anything about it because I was attached to her! I didn't see
myself anywhere else but with her!
I told myself 'Alex, Sade will change! She
just needs to see a tangible reason to! I felt if I married her and she got
pregnant, she'll sober up and get responsible, so I did!
I proposed to her, and she was so
joyful, after all she was always out hanging out with my twin sisters and
shopping and all, she knew my family, they loved her, but no one saw the dark
side, well, at least not yet!
After the wedding ceremony, my heart
grew calm, for a while, she took on the cloak of responsibility, she started
cleaning the house, cooking regularly, and all and I felt happy, I felt happy
that I had produced the best mum for my kids, and most importantly, I have
changed her!
At first, we had Mandy! My beautiful
fair baby girl with black long hair, an epitome of beauty, just like my wife, Sade!
When Mandy was 4, we had another girl
Jesulonimi, who we nicknamed, nimie! I loved my girls from the depth of my
soul! She loved them too, always called them 'my rubies'! what else could a man
want more?
Well, as time went on, I noticed Sade
changing, started exposing her cleavage in her outfits which I already warned
about as she was now a mother and needed to set examples and act like one! We
argued and quarreled late into the night on her dress issues, sometimes till
2am and further, to the extent of waking up Mandy and Nimie!
It was exhausting! She would leave the
house without bathing the girls, she didn't care, she wouldn't cook, she was
receiving different calls and text messages. I wanted to hit her, i wanted to
beat her up so bad, but she was my wife, the one I fell in love with, i just
couldn’t!
People think only women are abused, but
that's a very wrong ideology, because men do get abused too, and I personally
think it hurts more!
Sade would pour alcohol in little
quantity into cups for my girls and mix it with Ribena, and give them to drink!
I just always knew my girls were most of the time super-hyper, hopping from one
couch to another or sleeping by the time I get back home, little did I know, I
married the devil!
She'll bring her lover home when I
travel, and they'll make love on our matrimonial bed!
My friends will tell me they saw Sade
at a bar, smoking and drinking, and I would back her up, support her, defend
her that it wasn't her they saw!
All these were getting too much for me,
i couldn’t concentrate at work! I was getting lean, losing weight, looking
scary, unkempt and tired virtually all the time!
Due to her inconsistency, I would wake
up early, bath my girls, cook for them, pack their lunch, and put them in their
school bus!
I would even make her breakfast before
leaving home and a note to tell her how beautiful she still was, and how I
hadn't stopped adoring her since I met her, how she made me feel loved and how
much I needed her to be back to the woman I loved!
I would cry out almost all morning to
work, and when I get back, see the shredded pieces of the note I left her in
the bin, or squeezed and thrown at the verandah! My heart was sore, but hey, I
signed up for 'for better, for worse' and I intended keeping my part up!
The day when the Camel's back was
broken, was when I got home, and saw a man touching my daughter's private part
and she was there, holding her down and telling her "it's okay my darling
it doesn't hurt that much"!
I didn't know at first if I was in the
wrong house, or if I was drunk, I felt woozy! I slowly walked out of the house,
to the backyard, broke a bottle, and made sure the angles were at alert!
I got in and aimed straight at his
scalp! I was fuming, I was so angry, bottling up so much emotions, bottling up
so many things, bottling up Sade cheating on me, her inability to be a good
mother and wife, her terrible dressing habits, her sore manners and many
others, but the one thing that I will never bottle up, is messing with my
girls!
He was bleeding profusely and I didn't
care, I made sure I took my daughter off the couch where she was crying
bitterly, comforted her, opened the room where Nimie was locked up, and
weakened from all the crying, and all my emotions uprising, beat Sade till she
went blank!
I got an ambulance for them both, paid
their hospital bills, but told her, from that hospital, she should return to
her parents' place!
I needed her no longer! She was a waste
of every resource I had, the only thing she gave me that utterly made sense to
my world and comforted me in distress, were my girls!
No one should ever have to endure any
abusive relationship, walk out, respect your self-esteem, you deserve better!
#ActLikeYouKnow #AskTeekay
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