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We were together
for 3 years. I started working at MTN customer service and right off the bat I
was attracted to a guy who works with me, but because I love my boyfriend I
never let myself be in a vulnerable position with work guy. I never socialized
with him outside of work because I didn't want the temptation. But a few months
ago, I faulted. It was a party for another colleague and everyone had been
drinking all day. The cheating wasn't premeditated or anything... I don't know why
I did it. I knew I looked hot and I was already drunk when I ran into him.
He asked where my
boyfriend was. I responded "what boyfriend"... I don't really
remember much of what we talked about but I let him kiss me, and when the party
was closing he said "your place or mine" and I don't know why I
didn't just end it there and say no, I guess I just told myself that I had
already cheated by letting him kiss me which I know I was just rationalizing my
behavior and that's just a bullshit excuse. I went home with him and he has a
mirror over his bed (I know, I know) so I got to look myself in the face and
think about what a piece of shit I am while he fucked me. The next morning I
had a bunch of missed calls from my flat-mate but I lied and told her I slept
over at a girlfriends house whom I ran into at the party.
Initially I was
going to keep dating my boyfriend and pray to God he would never find out but
the guilt was eating me up. He deserves better than someone who cheated on him.
He was crushed when I broke up with him two days later. I never want him to
find out I cheated on him--I don't want to hurt him any more than I have. I
told him I wasn't in love with him anymore and that's why I wanted to break up.
I miss him so much and I wish I could have him back but then I remind myself I
can't because I had sex with another guy. Well I just had to tell someone.
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