I don't feel regret
for wishing death upon my mother. I am actually a very good and nice person who
would never wish any sort of pain at all on anyone but my mother.
She has always been
very abusive. A constant part of my childhood was hiding giant, nasty injuries.
When I was small, she would pick me up by my hair. I have had to get stitches
because of her. She once bust my lips open by throwing a mug at me pushed me
down the stairs and I had my tooth chipped. I can remember a day she said someone
stole money from her room (I was just 9 years) , she called my sister and
myself to her room and put pepper in our private parts after asking we stripped
naked. This woman would cut me with razor blade for doing averagely well at
school, she would sometimes beat me for up to an hour, with whatever is on hand
(mostly that wooden thing for turning eba).
I am now 21
and even though the physical abuse has reduced because I am an average-size
woman now making it much harder to beat me up, the emotional abuse has never
ended. This is beyond the Yoruba standard insults ; I'm-never-good-enough and
belittling. My mother's favorite things to say to us are, "I hope you
die/can't wait until you die," "I will kill you/wish I could kill
you," "I Regret having you" (I used to self-harm because of
her), "You are so worthless" and, my personal favorite, "Kill
yourself."
This is a woman who is a bank manager (F bank) so her actions
are not due to illiteracy .These actually really get to you after a
period of time - say, almost your whole life.
All in all, my mom
is a mean, rude, lazy, annoying, disgusting, abusive crazy woman with no
heart who always thinks she is best even though she has so many glaring flaws.
I cannot wait for the day she dies. I don't remember when I stopped loving her,
probably when I was 12/13, but now even thinking about her makes me feel sick
sometimes. I will honestly feel great relief and happiness once she is gone.
I just said to share since am not gonna be casted.
#ActLikeYouKnow
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